Scholarship: A College Student’s Worst Enemy [bullshit alert]

October 4, 2010

In my pursuit of a Communication degree here at the esteemed University of Maryland, my life has been a scholastic roller-coaster of sorts, a series of soaring highs and sobering lows.

I have ridden the high of an all-multiple-choice exam, only to be brought back down to earth by its multi-essay counterpart. I have felt the pain of class on a hungover Friday morning, only to be consoled by the friendly face of my COMM400 TA Sej. I have been bored to tears by a lecture, only to be brought back to life by an uncharacteristically funny comment from Franky Futon on my Facebook wall.

But throughout my collegiate career, there has been one recurring kick in the nuts that I have been unable to dodge. The bane of my existence has for sure been the dastardly (dun dun dun) “scholarly journal.”

Hmmm. Quite peculiar indeed...

Hit the jump to find out why!! Read the rest of this entry »

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Frosted Flakes Sells Out [bullshit alert]

September 7, 2010

If you’re a sugar-cereal aficianado like I am (fatass, if you wanna be a dick about it), you surely have your own extremely intricate, highly specialized ranking system to order your childhood favorites and current top 10 munchie food.

While frosted flakes is not quite in my upper echelon of cereal greatness, it could always be counted on, kind of like the aging veteran linebacker. Doesn’t have the speed he used to, his ankles are all busted up, but with instinct and knowledge of the game he can always muster up the ability to run with the young guns when called upon. That’s what frosted flakes meant to me. Then this happened.

They're...Pr-r-etty Shitty!

What the fuck Kellogg’s? What the hell did you do with that remaining 1/3 of sugar you owe me? How are  you gonna go muck up this living piece of Americana; a cereal that’s been feeding this country for more than 50 years? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Are you really that much of an evil corporation that you would use this scheme to sell American families a product that is just as bad for them and drastically worse tasting? Do you think spokesperson Michael Phelps is craving 1/3 less sugar after a phamously phresh bong rip? HELL NAWW!!

Shaquille O’Neal once famously called opposing coach George Karl a “crybaby” after a game and said that he looked “like a woman coach.”  When asked about his comments the next day, Shaq replied, “I ate too many frosted flakes, I don’t remember what I said last night.”

Yeah. 1/3 less sugar and no one’s believing that.