Restaurant Review: Kimi and Phil’s China Cafe [College Park]

September 29, 2010

Listen up College Park. We need to talk. I understand that what goes on between you and Shanghai is none of my business, but I think you deserve better. Shanghai’s food is eh, their service sucks and the cost is nowhere near worth the grime they feed you.

You gotta understand. It kills me to talk shit on them. Until this year I, prided myself on being one of the finest late night Shanghai eaters out there. All I had to do was grab a partner (whatup Harris), make sure the buffet was freshly stocked with general tso’s and load up both sides of that styrofoam box. But then I found a new Asian mistress. And she has a friend named Phil.

The thoughts running through your head right now probably sound a bit like this:

“Where the fuck is Kimi and Phils?”

“I hope he isn’t talking about that sweat shop next to 7 Eleven.”

“Is that place even open?!”


Read the rest of this entry »


Where’s the party? [college park]

August 29, 2010

A college park historian would be a nice person to know. I would pay to see the list of names given to the houses in college park over time. What name did Scott Van Pelt come up with for his house? I bet it was clever.

There’s Gross house, wet house, and pool house. Gross house was gross, wet house was wet(?), and pool house has a pool. I pledged in corner house. Corner house was on a corner. I partied in yellow house. Yellow house is yellow. Beyond the logistical assistance house naming provides plan making, it offers a unique creative opportunity that no one seems to take advantage of. Besides pool house having a pool, delta chi named there ten man house after the number of residents living there. I live in Tokyo, named because there is bamboo growing in the backyard. The best name for a house during my tenure as a Maryland student was crack house. A catchy name that applied to everything from the decay of the house to its less than scholarly collection of retard residents.

People should follow in the creative footsteps of Traub house. Named for its most animated resident, I can’t think of a more deserving person to have a house bear their name. When a freshman hears that the party’s AT traub, little do they know that the party actually IS traub.