Rank ’em up: Alternative Cakes [ranking]

October 12, 2010

Cake is a powerful food. I dont think i can quantify its power better than Jim Gaffigan could, so i’ll have him do it for me:

Alas, this post is not about food-cake. Instead, i have collected for you the finest other-cakes available. Here we go!

3) Cake eater (insult)



Adam Banks... original cake eater


I’ve long used this OG diss from the Mighty Ducks in an effort to spice up my repertoire of insults. If the Ducks are saying it, you know it’s cool. Douchebag, turd, jerkoff, asshole, etc. = cake eater. Apparently, cake eater is a popular insult used in Minnesota to refer to frivolous rich kids. Mehh. i like the diversity of my definition better. Anywho, cake eater made the list because it will forever be linked with the Mighty Ducks, one of the greatest children’s sports movies of all time.


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Rank ’em Up: ESPN Fashion Faux Pas [ranking]

September 23, 2010

If you haven’t figured it out by now, there are two things that we love to do here in The Tokyo Think Tank — watch ESPN, and rank things. From the most annoying personalities to the hottest female SportsCenter anchors to the best catchphrases, we have an opinion on EVERYTHING.  And it is our duty and immense honor to share those opinions with you, our loyal readers. So, without further ado, I give you ESPN’s Biggest Fashion  Faux Pas.

You think this is bad? You have NO idea.

Hit the jump to see who’s fuckin’ up!!  Read the rest of this entry »

Franky Futon’s Fantastic Four: Redheads [ranking]

September 22, 2010

Welcome to the first edition of our newest column, Franky Futon’s Fantastic Four. Some have said that I have an unconventional sense of taste. Others would simply refer to it as straight up weird. Either way, the fantastic four will bring to you samplings of what I find to be the finer things in life.

Today’s topic is something I know a lot about: Redheads.

I love redheads. Always have. So what if I have unusual taste.

No longer a fish, The Little Mermaid has a starring role in my wildest cartoon fantasy.

Let me be clear. I am as disgusted by a pasty white “ginger” as anybody. All of those freckles and the pale skin are enough to send even the boldest of men running for the safety of the nearest sunny beach. Throw a few gingers behind Taliban lines, and don’t be surprised if our troops are home for Christmas. How do you think the 2008 Celtics won that championship? Brian Scalabrine should be the highest paid player in the league. Who the fuck wants to guard that shit?

But for all the repulsive gingers out there, there are some sizzling hot carrot topped bombshells and I love them.


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Rank ’em up: Worst NBA Players to Guard [ranking]

September 14, 2010

In this edition of rank ’em up I will present to you my list of which NBA players (past and present) i think would be the worst to guard. I know you might immediately think Kobe, Lebron, D-wade; but my list has nothing to do with actual basketball skill. I’m not talking about which players would be the toughest to guard, I’m talking ’bout the players you would least want to guard for other reasons (hygiene, appearance, etc.).

Hit the jump to see the list!

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The Frankest of Franks [ranking]

September 3, 2010


One Frank To Rule Them All


The “frank’s” are a brotherhood of noble scholars. A fellowship defined by honor and virtue. To honor my fraternity of franks I have compiled my list of top “franks:” a collection of high minded and valuable contributors to our species.

Top Franks:

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Rank ’em up: Worst of food network [ranking]

September 2, 2010

There are very few things i would say i know a lot about. One of them is food. Love the shit. Know how to cook it. Certainly know how to eat it. But, perhaps one thing i know more about than i do food is the Food Network.

Al Roker?

I can name the programming schedule for any day off the top of my head. Seriously. Oh, and i know how to do one other thing pretty well: be irrationally critical of things and rank them in highly random order and variables.


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